Cheeky Tomato sex expert

Thoughts on being (or becoming) a Cougar

The details and definition of being a cougar

  not

www.sexwithsue.com

This article about cougars was sent to me this week with reprinted permission. I thought it hit the nail on the head when describing the lure of older women. I am helping a number of newly divorced patients go out into the dating field of late, and they all describe as being hit on excessively from men young enough to be their sons. I was asked for the rules about what is appropriate behaviour in dating these "hunky, younger men" and although there is no Miss Manners book of etiquette on the situation, I thought the below article was well done.

 

What it means to be a Cougar: That a cougar must be over a certain age. That she only dates younger men. That she observes the Half-Your-Age-Plus-Seven Rule. While each of these "rules" has its place in helping define what a cougar is, each of them is either too broad or too narrow. And that's because being a cougar is ultimately about attitude. It's about the way she carries herself and owns her sexuality.

While each cougar is unique (that's what makes them great!), in our experience, there are a few common characteristics that help us understand the cougar woman.

She's in Control
First and foremost, the cougar woman is in total control - of her life, her sexuality and her identity. She's her own woman, independent, strong and sexy, confident in her self and unconcerned by what is expected of her by society. It's that fearless attitude that makes a cougar.

As Ilana Eberson, CEO of Real Live People Party, remarks in the video from SheZoom.com (below), "Everyone wants to equate the predatory nature of the cougar animal with the cougar woman, and she doesn't have to be predatory. She can be nice. She can be, you know, a vixen. She can be sassy. She can be, you know, virginal. She can be whatever she wants to be."

That gets to the heart of what it means to be a cougar woman. She's found her path and proudly (and unapologetically) follows it. Because it often takes time for women (and men, also) to "discover" themselves, cougars are typically more mature women in their latter thirties and beyond.

She's Independent
A cougar is not just independent-minded, she's personally independent as well. She is likely a career women who has reached a comfortable level of financial freedom. She's worked hard and fought for her success. She's found that while men her age and older are often intimidated by her ambition and success, young men are drawn to it and hopeful to learn from it.

Her independence extends to relationships where she has no time for petty drama. She's comfortable letting a relationship develop naturally rather than trying to force it. She knows a relationship takes work but also understands that one can't be made into something it isn't.

She's Experienced
Let's face it: the cougar is experienced. She's more sophisticated and worldly than her younger counterparts. She's worked hard, played hard and really lived. Her experience has resulted in one simple truth: she knows what she wants.

Her experience is particularly profound in the bedroom. To a young man shes a living, breathing Kama Sutra, versed in the ways of pleasure. To be with her is an orientation into an unexplored world of contortionist positions, hidden erogenous zones, and foreign animal noises. She knows what she likes, how she likes it done and where, and instructs her cub on how best to give it. A night with her and he will uncover the secrets of making a woman beg for more. All men want those secrets and they know no amount of fumbling about with inexperienced girls will ever provide them.

She's Undeniably Sexy
There's just something about a cougar. Whether she's the type that rocks a business suit or tight top and jeans, she just exudes sexual power. It's not something you can quantify or categorize. You can only feel it. 

A cougar knows that age is increasingly irrelevant. 40 is the new 30. 50, the new 40. Healthier lifestyles, a greater commitment to fitness and an emphasis on style, have all contributed to something young men have picked up on. Older women are smokin. The popularity of yoga, pilates, unique diets and other health and fitness fads have cougars looking hotter and more attractive longer. In fact, the older she gets, the more delicious she becomes. Her toned body and smooth skin coalesce with an earned stately grace to create a sort of sexual super woman.

She Likes the Attention
A cougar is quick to admit that when a young man expresses interest in her it makes her feel great, whether she's into the guy or not. And why not? It validates all of the hard work she's put in to looking hot and staying young. It proves that she's still got it.

She also revels in the fact that other women are often jealous of her, particularly younger women. The cattiness of the young woman is just further validation that she, the cougar, is what men want. They want a piece of her sass, her experience

She's Down with the Program
Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, a cougar is proud to be a cougar. She wears the label as a badge of honor. She recognizes that it is tongue-in-cheek, but also finds it empowering. It's both fun and sexy. And maybe she even likes the feistyness it suggests.

To her, "cougar" says, "I'm hot and I'm tired of men having all the fun." She realizes that few people have been more neglected by society than the mature, sophisticated woman. Society expects her to dress conservatively, drive a station wagon and cart her kids to soccer practice. She's watched Hollywood basically cast women like her aside, giving them nothing to play but ignored housewives, teachers with about as much to say as Charlie Browns, and useless mothers to obnoxious, ridiculously erudite kids. Its bullshit and she knows it. Its also bullshit that her male peers continue to be perceived as more respectable, more refined and more attractive the older they get, even when theyve got some blonde bimbo with big fake tits on their arms.These women are taking back their sexuality. And theyre doing it under the moniker of cougar. God bless them.

 

  not

www.sexwithsue.com

This article about cougars was sent to me this week with reprinted permission. I thought it hit the nail on the head when describing the lure of older women. I am helping a number of newly divorced patients go out into the dating field of late, and they all describe as being hit on excessively from men young enough to be their sons. I was asked for the rules about what is appropriate behaviour in dating these "hunky, younger men" and although there is no Miss Manners book of etiquette on the situation, I thought the below article was well done.

 

What it means to be a Cougar: That a cougar must be over a certain age. That she only dates younger men. That she observes the Half-Your-Age-Plus-Seven Rule. While each of these "rules" has its place in helping define what a cougar is, each of them is either too broad or too narrow. And that's because being a cougar is ultimately about attitude. It's about the way she carries herself and owns her sexuality.

While each cougar is unique (that's what makes them great!), in our experience, there are a few common characteristics that help us understand the cougar woman.

She's in Control
First and foremost, the cougar woman is in total control - of her life, her sexuality and her identity. She's her own woman, independent, strong and sexy, confident in her self and unconcerned by what is expected of her by society. It's that fearless attitude that makes a cougar.

As Ilana Eberson, CEO of Real Live People Party, remarks in the video from SheZoom.com (below), "Everyone wants to equate the predatory nature of the cougar animal with the cougar woman, and she doesn't have to be predatory. She can be nice. She can be, you know, a vixen. She can be sassy. She can be, you know, virginal. She can be whatever she wants to be."

That gets to the heart of what it means to be a cougar woman. She's found her path and proudly (and unapologetically) follows it. Because it often takes time for women (and men, also) to "discover" themselves, cougars are typically more mature women in their latter thirties and beyond.

She's Independent
A cougar is not just independent-minded, she's personally independent as well. She is likely a career women who has reached a comfortable level of financial freedom. She's worked hard and fought for her success. She's found that while men her age and older are often intimidated by her ambition and success, young men are drawn to it and hopeful to learn from it.

Her independence extends to relationships where she has no time for petty drama. She's comfortable letting a relationship develop naturally rather than trying to force it. She knows a relationship takes work but also understands that one can't be made into something it isn't.

She's Experienced
Let's face it: the cougar is experienced. She's more sophisticated and worldly than her younger counterparts. She's worked hard, played hard and really lived. Her experience has resulted in one simple truth: she knows what she wants.

Her experience is particularly profound in the bedroom. To a young man shes a living, breathing Kama Sutra, versed in the ways of pleasure. To be with her is an orientation into an unexplored world of contortionist positions, hidden erogenous zones, and foreign animal noises. She knows what she likes, how she likes it done and where, and instructs her cub on how best to give it. A night with her and he will uncover the secrets of making a woman beg for more. All men want those secrets and they know no amount of fumbling about with inexperienced girls will ever provide them.

She's Undeniably Sexy
There's just something about a cougar. Whether she's the type that rocks a business suit or tight top and jeans, she just exudes sexual power. It's not something you can quantify or categorize. You can only feel it. 

A cougar knows that age is increasingly irrelevant. 40 is the new 30. 50, the new 40. Healthier lifestyles, a greater commitment to fitness and an emphasis on style, have all contributed to something young men have picked up on. Older women are smokin. The popularity of yoga, pilates, unique diets and other health and fitness fads have cougars looking hotter and more attractive longer. In fact, the older she gets, the more delicious she becomes. Her toned body and smooth skin coalesce with an earned stately grace to create a sort of sexual super woman.

She Likes the Attention
A cougar is quick to admit that when a young man expresses interest in her it makes her feel great, whether she's into the guy or not. And why not? It validates all of the hard work she's put in to looking hot and staying young. It proves that she's still got it.

She also revels in the fact that other women are often jealous of her, particularly younger women. The cattiness of the young woman is just further validation that she, the cougar, is what men want. They want a piece of her sass, her experience

She's Down with the Program
Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, a cougar is proud to be a cougar. She wears the label as a badge of honor. She recognizes that it is tongue-in-cheek, but also finds it empowering. It's both fun and sexy. And maybe she even likes the feistyness it suggests.

To her, "cougar" says, "I'm hot and I'm tired of men having all the fun." She realizes that few people have been more neglected by society than the mature, sophisticated woman. Society expects her to dress conservatively, drive a station wagon and cart her kids to soccer practice. She's watched Hollywood basically cast women like her aside, giving them nothing to play but ignored housewives, teachers with about as much to say as Charlie Browns, and useless mothers to obnoxious, ridiculously erudite kids. Its bullshit and she knows it. Its also bullshit that her male peers continue to be perceived as more respectable, more refined and more attractive the older they get, even when theyve got some blonde bimbo with big fake tits on their arms.These women are taking back their sexuality. And theyre doing it under the moniker of cougar. God bless them.

The details and definition of being a cougar

  not

www.sexwithsue.com

This article about cougars was sent to me this week with reprinted permission. I thought it hit the nail on the head when describing the lure of older women. I am helping a number of newly divorced patients go out into the dating field of late, and they all describe as being hit on excessively from men young enough to be their sons. I was asked for the rules about what is appropriate behaviour in dating these "hunky, younger men" and although there is no Miss Manners book of etiquette on the situation, I thought the below article was well done.

 

What it means to be a Cougar: That a cougar must be over a certain age. That she only dates younger men. That she observes the Half-Your-Age-Plus-Seven Rule. While each of these "rules" has its place in helping define what a cougar is, each of them is either too broad or too narrow. And that's because being a cougar is ultimately about attitude. It's about the way she carries herself and owns her sexuality.

While each cougar is unique (that's what makes them great!), in our experience, there are a few common characteristics that help us understand the cougar woman.

She's in Control
First and foremost, the cougar woman is in total control - of her life, her sexuality and her identity. She's her own woman, independent, strong and sexy, confident in her self and unconcerned by what is expected of her by society. It's that fearless attitude that makes a cougar.

As Ilana Eberson, CEO of Real Live People Party, remarks in the video from SheZoom.com (below), "Everyone wants to equate the predatory nature of the cougar animal with the cougar woman, and she doesn't have to be predatory. She can be nice. She can be, you know, a vixen. She can be sassy. She can be, you know, virginal. She can be whatever she wants to be."

That gets to the heart of what it means to be a cougar woman. She's found her path and proudly (and unapologetically) follows it. Because it often takes time for women (and men, also) to "discover" themselves, cougars are typically more mature women in their latter thirties and beyond.

She's Independent
A cougar is not just independent-minded, she's personally independent as well. She is likely a career women who has reached a comfortable level of financial freedom. She's worked hard and fought for her success. She's found that while men her age and older are often intimidated by her ambition and success, young men are drawn to it and hopeful to learn from it.

Her independence extends to relationships where she has no time for petty drama. She's comfortable letting a relationship develop naturally rather than trying to force it. She knows a relationship takes work but also understands that one can't be made into something it isn't.

She's Experienced
Let's face it: the cougar is experienced. She's more sophisticated and worldly than her younger counterparts. She's worked hard, played hard and really lived. Her experience has resulted in one simple truth: she knows what she wants.

Her experience is particularly profound in the bedroom. To a young man shes a living, breathing Kama Sutra, versed in the ways of pleasure. To be with her is an orientation into an unexplored world of contortionist positions, hidden erogenous zones, and foreign animal noises. She knows what she likes, how she likes it done and where, and instructs her cub on how best to give it. A night with her and he will uncover the secrets of making a woman beg for more. All men want those secrets and they know no amount of fumbling about with inexperienced girls will ever provide them.

She's Undeniably Sexy
There's just something about a cougar. Whether she's the type that rocks a business suit or tight top and jeans, she just exudes sexual power. It's not something you can quantify or categorize. You can only feel it. 

A cougar knows that age is increasingly irrelevant. 40 is the new 30. 50, the new 40. Healthier lifestyles, a greater commitment to fitness and an emphasis on style, have all contributed to something young men have picked up on. Older women are smokin. The popularity of yoga, pilates, unique diets and other health and fitness fads have cougars looking hotter and more attractive longer. In fact, the older she gets, the more delicious she becomes. Her toned body and smooth skin coalesce with an earned stately grace to create a sort of sexual super woman.

She Likes the Attention
A cougar is quick to admit that when a young man expresses interest in her it makes her feel great, whether she's into the guy or not. And why not? It validates all of the hard work she's put in to looking hot and staying young. It proves that she's still got it.

She also revels in the fact that other women are often jealous of her, particularly younger women. The cattiness of the young woman is just further validation that she, the cougar, is what men want. They want a piece of her sass, her experience

She's Down with the Program
Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, a cougar is proud to be a cougar. She wears the label as a badge of honor. She recognizes that it is tongue-in-cheek, but also finds it empowering. It's both fun and sexy. And maybe she even likes the feistyness it suggests.

To her, "cougar" says, "I'm hot and I'm tired of men having all the fun." She realizes that few people have been more neglected by society than the mature, sophisticated woman. Society expects her to dress conservatively, drive a station wagon and cart her kids to soccer practice. She's watched Hollywood basically cast women like her aside, giving them nothing to play but ignored housewives, teachers with about as much to say as Charlie Browns, and useless mothers to obnoxious, ridiculously erudite kids. Its bullshit and she knows it. Its also bullshit that her male peers continue to be perceived as more respectable, more refined and more attractive the older they get, even when theyve got some blonde bimbo with big fake tits on their arms.These women are taking back their sexuality. And theyre doing it under the moniker of cougar. God bless them.

How I spent the night with Gene Simmons (and no, I didn't get the picture of me spanking his bum)

www.sexwithsue.com

I had dinner with Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed last night.  No, it wasn't an intimate evening, Blaik and I were among 200 others celebrating "a welcome back to your hometown, girl's done well" day in Ottawa. Yup, Shannon, the siginificant other to Kiss's legendary front man is from sleepy old Ottawa. Home to sex therapists, porn stars, and the former 1982 Playmate of the year.   And Canadians from other cities often joke with me when I travel, "that people in Ottawa don't have sex."

Anyway, Kiss is in town playing Bluesfest, and so the two of them both have a reason to be having dinner in the capital. I think Gene Simmons is sexy. Not because I like aging rockers with wild hair, but because he's a marketing genius, has a sense of humour, and isn't afraid to speak his mind.

How hot, mind blowing sex is less about toys and more about intimacy

www.sexwithsue.com

Another sex study was released last week. This time, I know the author (another Ottawa based sex therapist- watch out, we are taking over the world!). Peggy Kleinplatz, a professor of Psychology at The University of Ottawa has commissioned a study that shows it's those gooey feelings- not the latest gadget that makes sex outstanding. The study, titled The Components of Optimal Sexuality: A Portrait of ‘Great Sex’, suggests that sexual fulfilment has far less to do with technique and perfect bodies — elements most often ascribed great significance by popular culture — and more to do with such factors as presence, connection and erotic intimacy.

“Unfortunately, popular culture tells people that great sex is about varying your routines, trying new positions, buying new sex toys,” says Dr. Peggy Kleinplatz, lead author of the study.

For the study, Kleinplatz and colleague Dana Ménard interviewed 64 people — from all over the world but most from the U.S. — who had experienced great sex.

Twenty-five of those were 60 or older — recruited specifically for their age and experience in long-term relationships.

The Ottawa Citizen summarized her eight findings. It is keeping with the study on long tern love that suggested great relationships have elements of communication, trust, intimacy, adventure, openness, and the need to put your partner's needs ahead of your own.

Here are the Eight elements of great sex that contribute to the earth-moving, wall socket, mind-blowing let's-do-this-again sex.

1. Being present, focused and embodied

According to the study, being fully and completely present during sexual experiences was the first and most frequently mentioned factor contributing to great sex. As one woman described, ‘You are not a person in a situation. You are it. You are the situation.’

‘It’s being fully alive,’ says Kleinplatz, ‘in one’s skin, engaged with the partner — emotionally, intellectually, physically, spiritually — in the moment.’

2. Connection, alignment, merger, being in sync

The report, printed Thursday in The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, notes that ‘the depth of the connection between partners was one of the most critical elements of the experience regardless of duration of the relationship.’

3. Deep sexual and erotic intimacy

Kleinplatz describes this as the foundation of a relationship in which optimal sexuality becomes a possibility. It involves deep mutual respect, caring, genuine acceptance and admiration. As Kleinplatz notes, ‘you can’t trust just anyone.’

4. Extraordinary communication, heightened empathy

While marital counsellors are trained in teaching communications skills to clients, Kleinplatz describes the study’s participants as having ‘black belts’ in communications.

‘These weren’t people who learned all about the other sex’s genitalia and then just applied the technique,’ she says. ‘These were people who were so engaged in and with their partners’ bodies that they could read their partners’ responses, not only touching them, but feeling them.”

5. Authenticity, being genuine, uninhibited, transparency

‘This is pretty much the opposite of self-consciousness,’ says Kleinplatz. ‘It’s allowing oneself to be emotionally naked while being seen by a partner.’ One of the study’s subjects noted ‘I don’t know that I’m capable of having great sex anymore without caring about a partner.’

6. Transcendence, bliss, peace, transformation, healing

Participants in the study often reported a sense of timelessness or the infinite during great sex. ‘There was often a moment of aliveness beyond anything they’d experienced before,’ says Kleinplatz. ‘Their experience often really was exalted, and (the subjects) would use language borrowed from religion to describe it, because there are no words in the vocabulary of sexology to describe it.’

7. Exploration, interpersonal risk-taking, fun

This, says Kleinplatz, is where participants describe sex as an adventure. She uses a line from The Who song Bargain: ‘I’m looking for a free ride to me. I’m looking for you.’

‘I’ve always thought it was one of the most erotic lines I’ve heard,’ she adds. ‘This is about being on a journey of self-discovery, with sex as the pathway.

‘And it’s also a lot of fun.’

8. Vulnerability and surrender

‘If authenticity is about what’s happening within and choosing to be emotionally naked,’ Kleinplatz explains, ‘vulnerability is more about the willingness to be seen naked. It’s an awareness that I’m letting you inside of me, penetrating one another’s souls.’

Testicular torsion. Or when your sack is in an uproar.

www.sexwithsue.com

When I was a kid we lived in the country, and I had a horse named Scooter. Scooter died suddenly from a horse disorder called colic that has twists up their stomach's (horses can't throw up) when they eat too much grain. Apparently it is very painful for horses, and I was understandably very upset when she died. 

It turns out that men can get theirr cords all in knot - but in the case of people, it's their testicles that can suddenly get tangled inside their scrotum. OWWWWW!

I had a patient recently who had this situation.  I have never come across such a case before  (and I live for the new stuff, because after 15 years 10 of which on air, there is little sexually I haven't encountered.) The only time I've ever heard about testicular torsion happening is in the winter when the scrotum is exposed to cold air (usually in very cold air after being all warm and relaxed) so beware the ski trips when you need to race outside to pee.

"When he arises, his scrotum is exposed to the colder room air. If the spermatic cord is twisted while the scrotum is loose, the sudden contraction that results from the abrupt temperature change can trap the testicle in that position. The result is a testicular torsion."  Apparently it can happen in very cold water or if you go from extreme hot to cold (so careful jumping in icy waters).

 The patient in question had already lost a testicle to torsion, (apparently it was nasty) and lives in fear - as a phobia- of anyone touching, bumping, playing or otherwise engaging contact with his remaining nut. It was a problem for his partner as he wouldn't let her touch his penis for fear of nudging the ball in question. 

Not that I'm expecting snow today, but I thought it would be a good time to outline the symptoms of testiculartorsion (it happens infrequently) from my favourite urology site. Keep it in mind if you get your panties in a knot.

Testicular Torsion Symptoms:

Testicular torsion is characterized by excruciating one-sided testicular pain, with sudden swelling. Since the cord structures twist (like the strings of a puppet), the testicle elevates as well. Patients may have nausea and vomiting. Patients may also have abdominal pain. There may be a history of previous testicular pain. Fever may also accompany the testicular pain.

Testicular torsion is seen most frequently in the 12-18-year-old age group, and most cases occur in men under 30 years of age. However, it can occur at any age, including in newborns.

When to Seek Medical Care:

Testicular swelling and pain should be evaluated on an emergent basis. The evaluation is best done in an emergency room, where rapid imaging is available and there is quick access to surgical intervention. There is about a six-hour window for the testicle to be salvaged; surgical treatment within this time frame is associated with a 100% salvage rate for the testicle. After six hours, the salvage rate decreases, and if surgical repair is performed after 24 hours, the testicle is no longer salvageable.

"let your boys hang free... "

The art and science of the standing blow job

www.sexwithsue.com

I was asked this week about "what's new in oral sex". My blog yesterday on the trials of mouth bacteria may be something you aren't familiar with, as is Ian Kerner's thoughts on the standing blow job.  Apparently, having giving head to a standing participant will increase the blood flow and improve the rigidity of the erection. It was something I suggested to the expecting couples in a prenatal sex class I taught. Pregnant woman aren't supposed to lie flat on their backs as it constricts the blood flow to the uterus along the dorsal artery. Most women (pregnant or otherwise) find reaching orgasm lying flat on their backs harder than when they are propped up a bit.

So I thought with the summer of love upon us (where it is easy to find a rock to lean against) that Kerner's suggestion for standing oral sex might be welcome.

 Kerner, the author of He Comes Next, guys are claiming that the hottest new way to be paid lip service is while standing. "More blood rushes to the pelvic region while they're on their feet, resulting in a firmer erection and ultimately a much more intense orgasm," says Kerner.

Ready to blow your guy's mind? Have him stand upright with his feet staggered, near a chair, countertop, or door frame (he may need to grab on for support when his legs start quaking). Kneel in front of him using a pillow as a cushion. Then hold his penis in one hand and take him into your mouth, alternating between sucking and licking.

Once he starts shaking in ecstasy, form an O-ring with the thumb and forefinger of your free hand and place it firmly around the base of his penis above the testicles. "There are dorsal veins that run along either side of his shaft that pump blood into the penis," says Kerner. "Because he's standing, those veins are more engorged than usual. Applying pressure at the base creates a tourniquet-like effect, keeping more blood in his penis for a truly explosive orgasm."

How too much oral sex can lead to smelly snatches - gasp!

www.sexwithsue.com

One of the many very cool things about being a sex therapist is that people tell me things that they never tell anyone else. Thus I seem to get a range of information that I put together that other people don't seem to be aware of. The latest is the correlation that I've become aware of (and that you might not know about) is between vulva odor and oral sex. The mouth bacteria is different (and more potent) than the natural flora present in the vagina. Thus, if a woman is getting licked out, the bacteria in saliva (which loves, warm, moist dark places) starts to grow. It can lead to the unpleasant odor which every sexually active woman (and the men that love them) are familiar with. For a woman with lots of "friends" whose tongues visit regularly, the problems of different bacteria from different people compound.  NOT that I am suggesting that the public service and necessary sexual activity of bush munching be curtailed! I just think it is important for women who Ricive, (and who don't want to smell yucky) to follow a few basis rules.

1. Watch out for smokers down there. Nicotine on tongues and fingers can lead to a nasty vaginal infection. Hand washing and mouth wash should be encouraged.

2. After you have recovered from a good tongue lashing, wash with antibacterial soap like you would your hands.

3. Takeprobiotics (lactobacillius the healthy bacteria found in yogurt, and found anyplace that sells vitamins) as a daily supplement.

4. If it gets too rangy, try my personal favourite cream,Vitaderm. It's an anti inflammatory, cortisol, anti fungal, and antibacterial lotion all in one. It gets rid of anything that's not suppose to be there in less than a day (so you are fresh for the next session.)

If you want to be motivated to follow the rules (instead of just rolling over and going into a contented, post cunnilingus sleep, then read about all the bugs that are naturally present in mouths.

The more than 100 species of bacteria, and hundreds of species of fungi, protozoa, and viruses that have taken up residence in our mouths is difficult to fathom. Microbiologists estimate that, in addition to these known species, there are up to 500 other living, breathing organisms inhabiting our mouths, although only 50 have been identified and named. The sheer number of these creatures is astronomical, considering the fact that our mouths contain more bacteria than the entire world's population, and the fact that our bodies house approximately one trillion bacteria.

What is a person to do about these squatters? Nothing. Our bodies provide an ecosystem for them and, in return, they defend us from the invasion of bad bacteria, viruses, fungi, and protozoa, with the exception of Streptococcus mutants and a couple of other undesirable species.

Our dentists' advice to brush and to floss our teeth on a regular basis should be taken, as doing so helps to maintain healthy levels of these creatures from between 1,000 to 100,000 per tooth.

Dating sites - the good, the bad and the misleading

www.sexwithsue.com 

I think online dating is a great way to meet someone. In my estimation, at least you know they can spell. I also think that meeting in a bar is a generally bad idea. For men, a bar is comforting - community, where they feed and water you, and where you have the off chance of making a connection. Fo women over 25, (at least the women I know) are there to meet up with girlfriends but are rarely thereto hook up. Besides, alcohol blurs your natural abilities to separate the "wheat from the chaff" (or note if they party in question in unbathed).

So I am a big proponent of online dating, and suggest that you keep working at it, and changing up your ad to get the hundred dates you need to meet your special someone. The trouble is, that on some dating sites, they stack the ads with "phoney girls" just to keep you hooked and online longer.

A Brooklyn man sued Match.com yesterday for inflicting "humiliation and disappointment" on lonely hearts "who feel rejected when their e-mails get no reply."

Sean McGinn alleges the popular matchmaking Web site dangles phony date bait by posting profiles of people who no longer subscribe to its $39.99-a-month service.

As a result, lovelorn singles have been "defrauded" out of millions of dollars and countless hours spent sending heartfelt missives in vain, the 37-year-old TV producer says.

Most members of Match.com -- which claims 86 million searches a month in the United States -- are actually unavailable because they "are canceled subscribers or never subscribed at all," according to his suit filed in Manhattan federal court.

The class-action complaint doesn't specify damages, but says they exceed $5 million.

McGinn is also demanding that the Internet's biggest dating site "cease and desist its deceptive practices," which he claims are "willfully causing emotional harm to the consumer and social harm to society at large."

"Match's policy causes severe emotional distress and anxiety for some [subscribers], including those who keep writing e-mails to one member after another and never hear back because he/she is writing to people who've canceled," his suit says.

"Because the writer has no way of knowing this, he or she may experience profound personal anguish, suffering which is easily preventable by Match."

The suit also alleges that "Match induces canceled members to log in . . . creating the appearance that inactive members are active" by sending bogus BlackBerry notifications that read, "Someone has winked back at you."

McGinn declined to comment, but in an ironic twist, his lawyer said McGinn "met someone he's happy with" through the site.

"We're not saying that Match doesn't provide a valuable service, but they don't have to misrepresent what they're offering you," attorney Norah Hart said.

About 15 other disgruntled Match.com users are lined up to join the case, she said.

McGinn's suit is the latest in a series of fraud allegations lodged against Dallas-based Match.com and other social-networking sites cause heartache and misery.

In keeping with this, here are my rules for online dating:

    1. Stay local. Your goal is to have coffee with a hundred people who fit your profile. That's hard to do if they live a continent away.

    2. If they look too good to be true - they are. Guaranteed they are fake - or nutcases.

    3. Men tend to look better than their pictures and women look the same or worse. That's because if we are going to post a picture, women have done our hair, put on our best clothes, and look great.

    4. Men should put a picture of their pet (or somebody else's) on their profile. Women like men that care okay with kids and puppies, but men think women with pets (unless it's a champion German Shepard or hunting dog) are "crazy cat ladies".

    5. For women, what men want is a kind women who looks good. This is the time to join weight watchers, go to the gym, the spa , and crank up the sexy quotient. Men aren't all shallow, but they are ruled by first visual impressions.

    6. For men, what women want is safe, clean, funny, intelligent, and humble. Did I mention clean?

    7. Finally, don't be afraid to google someone. If you are chatting with somebody, get their real name and google them. If they don't exist, you might want to raise an eyebrow.

Anal sex. Why bend over boning is now in vogue.

 

www.sexwithsue.com,

It used to be that few heterosexual couples engaged in anal intercourse. And those who did, rarely spoke of it. It didn't mean you hadn't tried it, or weren't curious about it, but when you have no clear information (or it is a secret nobody discussed), then you learn that "up the butt" is bad. The only information you got was from "clinical doctor-type" pamphlets that said anal sex leads to a loose sphincter (so you can't hold in properly, which is a scare-mongering myth). Or from porn stars who looked liked they were taking a tree trunk up their ass and enjoying it. agh!

Fortunately ass play is beginning to come of age. The new study from the home of crazy sex surveys, Rutgers University claim that 27% of all couples engage in anal sex. I think it's closer to 35% but I have no stats beyond years of speaking to thousands of couples to back up my numbers. What's happened is that there is loads more information about the part A into slot B and how to's than there ever was before. So if you need some details (check out my blog on anal sex 101 as told to me during my interview with Nina Hartley), then here is a list of what's hot and new in detailed butt sex information:

A new book, "Master Class: Anal Sex," is scheduled to be published this month by the Erotic Print Society. It will be a guide complete “with professional photographs that pull no punches and specially commissioned drawings.”

But it will be competing in a crowded field. "Anal Sex for Couples: A Guaranteed Guide for Painless Pleasure," came out last fall, and the "Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women" (second edition) by Village Voice columnist and porn director/producer Tristan Taormino arrived a year ago. Later this month, she will release her new instructional video, “Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Anal Sex.” And The New York Times named a memoir of anal sex, "The Surrender," by former ballet dancer Toni Bentley, one of the most notable books of 2004.

I interviewed Toni Bentley (there's a blog about that in my archives too), but I'll see if I can dig up and add the audio of the interview here tomorrow. In the meantime, have a look at this very, very funny clip about identifying your partner's asshole.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuDyaKBG9Ew