Cheeky Tomato sex expert

A list of hot, sexy, erotic and fun things to do with and to your partner

www.sexwithsue.com

 

Once upon a time, there were these two people hot for each other.  They couldn’t keep their hands to themselves when they were together. The sex was fantastic and they christened every flat surface in their mutual apartments.  They went parking, and walked hand and hand together and found themselves very much in love. After a reasonable amount of time, when these feelings grew even stronger, the two got married (or shacked up), and proceeded to build a life together.  They picked out china patterns started jobs, moved, left jobs and generally lived their lives. The sex got less frequent and after they had kids, it became even less frequent.  The passion they once felt for each other seemed liked a distant memory. When they did have sex, she often hid her stretch marks and he/she fantasized about someone from work.  The intimacy became routine, and the time they had together seemed to be squeezed in after a laundry list of chores, conflicting schedules, daily pressures and worries.  They thought longingly about the time when creative sex came easy.  They think about having sex with each other and stifle a yawn.  They wonder how it got to this stage, and don’t know how to kick start their romantic lives again…..

 

This isn’t a fantasy story, it’s an all too common scenario from happily married couples. They stay together but the sex becomes routine.

 

The most common question I get as a sex therapist, especially from women,  is how do I keep my bedroom life interesting, creative and put that zing back into my relationship.  If the thought of having sex with the same person for the next 40 years—the same body, the same way, with the same responses has most people running screaming out the door.  Think about it,  in-out, repeat if necessary sex can quickly slip into routine and even downright boring without a little adventure and passion.  These tips are all about the latest, information in sex research, new techniques you may not have heard about, and suggestions for keeping your sex life from slipping into the ho hum, “Do we really have to, I have a headache” behavior.   Making it hot… you know the way it reads in those Harlequin Romances that tons of women read when you think no one’s looking.  You know the scenario, “Dirk thrust his manly hand under veronica’s petticoat, feeling her ample boosums heaving….”  The kind of romances that your Grandmother used to leave at the cottage.  This book will outline how you can have an all grown up romance or affair with your significant other.  Hell, sex is adult play, and if you can’t play act with the one that’s seen you up close and personal, then who can you play with???

 

 

 

“When I got to the door, he stood there smiling. His hair was still wet from the shower he had taken before he left. I jumped up to give him a hug and as he squeezed me so tightly I could smell the clean scent of his body. I wanted so much to be with him.

 

We went up to our room and fell onto my bed. He lie there on top of me and kissed me so softy and gently. His hand on my face reassured me of his affection and that everything was okay. After a few minutes of making out I rolled over on top of him, still joint at the mouth, and slowly slid my hand down his stomach and into his pants. I could tell he got excited because I felt him stop and smile for a second, and then kissed me with more aggression and enthusiasm. His breathing started to speed up as I firmly grasped his penis…..”

 

Do you remember those sensations?  When you couldn’t keep your hands to yourself?  Well when I ask my sex therapy patients about the best sex they’ve ever had in their lives they talk to me about High School. When you could do everything else but intercourse.  The touching, heavy petting, foreplay, oral sex, teeth grinding sexual frustration, hickeys, and incredible heat that made your body vibrate in anticipation… You remember, there is nothing more exciting than a new relationship, and we all can’t compete with Brad and Angelina kind of heat, we can kick start our own love affair.

 

 

This list is the primer, everything I can find on keeping it hot, (and it is constantly being updated) keeping your relationship together, and learning about all the new play things

 

If sex is the second most powerful drive in the human body after food, and if most of either are having sex or want to be having sex, how come we have such bad, boring sex?  Or how do we have so many hang ups about what is a natural urge that is part of everyone’s lives.  This book is the culmination of all that’s new, interesting and fun in sex information.  It’s the latest sex tips, the very best toys, and how they can be used to enhance your relationships, and cutting edge techniques that will leave your partner gasping for air, after reaching incredible sexual peaks.

It’s the best sex suggestions I could find, put together in quick easy ideas that won’t involve swinging from the chandelier and can be manageable, simple suggestions for improving your sex life.

 

I won’t promise that these tips will change your life, but I will say that if you leave it in the bathroom with a few pages highlighted, you may be surprised about how open your partner is to trying new things….

   

1. Drive around naked. Find a place to go parking that is off the beaten path. In

   Ontario

   cars are considered private property, and you have the expectation of privacy if you are well away from other people in a secluded environment.

 

2. Picnics and outdoor sex generally crank up the endorphins.

 

3. Do it yourself bondage. By placing two hands in a pillow case behind your back and lying down, your own body weight safely and easily traps your hands for quick immobilization.

 

4. Canadian Tire sex toys. Visit the house wares and get a “massager” that plugs into the wall. 110 volts makes the best sex toys. Drop sheets for rolling around in oil, practicing squirting, and playing with chocolate body paint.

 

5. Venus Envy – great sex store for women and couples. They have great classes where you can learn everything from Japanese rope bondage, to make your own sex toys.

 

320 Lisgar Street   Ottawa , ON K2P 0E2  - (613) 789-4646 1 review, directions, and more » www.venusenvy.ca

 

6. Dollar store shopping.  Cheap paintbrushes for writing on your body in oil,  water based paints for getting really creative, water balloons (get wet inside and out), lightest sandpaper, and small LTD flashlights (for playing gynecologist).

 

7. Douche bags to clean out vaginas (and separate ones for rectums…) With warm water, it helps clean out every orifice and makes the way clear for loads of oil and lube vagina play  and anal sex.

 

8. Butterscotch instant pudding. Or chocolate, vanilla (or anything that tickles your fantasies…)

 

9. Breathless. A club downtown on Lisgar above Venus Envy, this is where the kinky go to play.  Described as “Breathless is a community centre and private club that caters to alternative lifestyles such as BDSM, swinging, GLBTQ, goth, pagan, and many more. We are a sex-on-premises club and promote safe sex.”

 

They often have workshops, games nights and discussion groups. If you want to watch someone being whipped, or have thoughts of polyamoury (loving more than one person) this is the group for you.  Run by a dominate woman named Mistress Jenn, it is quite a place.

 

10. Adventure camping – White water rafting, bungee jumping, anything that gets your adrenaline jumping will kick start things in the bedroom.

 

11. Tea and ice cube- The combination of the hot and cold on your genitals can be quite the sensation.

 

12. Clit piercing. The best in town is Future skin on Rideau. Well known for their safe practices, and experience, a clit piercing can help women who have trouble reaching orgasm climax.

 

13. Nudist Clubs. You can spend a day at the adult only resort in5 km outside of Cassleman called East Haven for $25 a couple ($20 a single). Less than an hour outside of the city, they are open May to September, and have naked volleyball, dances, BBQ’s. You can also rent a very nice cabin for $85 a night. They have a hot tub, swimming pool, and is a great place just to test your limits in a safe way. Check out their site for directions http://www.webruler.com/benude.

 

14. The local couples, and adult clubs. Range from just a very sexy place to dance, to full on orgies on site. If you stay upstairs at both clubs, you can have a safe, sexy, super erotically charged evening without risking anything weird in your own relationship. The good news is that according to the Supreme Court of Canada, sex clubs are legal in

    Canada

    , so they are really very safe. One is in

    Aylmer

    (D & D, and the other B& B is off Hawthorne Dr in the east end) It’s $40 to be a member, and $40 per couple on every visit. Go see www.Clubd-d.com and www.bashfulandbold.com

 

15. Grocery store stuff – Anything from the typical whipped cream and cucumbers, to caramel sauce (for human sundae’s), jello (a very interesting internal sensation), and stimulation devices such as toothpicks (fun top play mad scientist going genital experiments, pizza wheels- you get the idea.

 

16. Write your own sexual fantasy. There are a bunch of websites that help, but I just like taking any erotic story I like off the web, changing it up a bit, and leaving it in installments on your partner’s lunchbag or as suggestive messages on their voicemail.

 

17. Games- Strip poker (so much better with friends), or sexy bingo that get you trying things you wouldn’t normally do. Sometimes if the game tells you, you might feel less inhibited than if you thought of then yourself.

 

18. Fantasy clothes. Getting a tickle trunk and putting in all the Halloween costumes you have (buying them right after Halloween is a great idea), the Salvation army for sexy school girl and other cheap skanky clothes is fun. Then play the pirate wench, or the naughty nurse, the fireman or border patrol officer can be very sexy.

 

 

 

Tips 1.  Chocolate

 

Everyone knows that chocolate is one of the basic food groups, and is an essential part of most women’s diet.  It’s got that chemical in it that makes you feel like you’re in love, and the smell of melting chocolate has been proven (along with cinnamon, pumpkin pie spice, baking bread and almond oil) to significantly increase the testosterone levels (this means the sex drive) in men.  Basically food smells turn guys on.

 

Here’s what you do:

 

Take some chocolate chips and melt them in the microwave on over a double boiler until soft.  Add some cream, and a little bit of your favourite alcohol (my preference is Bailey’s) and stir until it makes a warm, sauce like consistency.

 

Get a cheap paint brush (handy at any dollar store) and proceed to draw pictures and write poems on your partners naked body.  Lick off, roll around in the chocolate sauce, use as a lubricant,  squeeze it on your partner and use as finger paint.  Generally get messy.

 

Variation: The quick, don’t have time version is to use Jello chocolate instant pudding.  Great for finger painting, but cold.  Especially great outdoors in the summer where you can clean up with the garden hose…

 

Toys

 

There are lots chocolate based sex products that come ready to use.  Everything from chocolate flavoured condoms (hey, even if you are monogamous and safe, it’s always fun to have a little chocolate latex, it doesn’t really taste as much as offer up an incredible smell of chocolate).  There is the Hot Stuff warming oils in a chocolate and chocolate mint and at least ten types of chocolate body paint in every flavour, (chocolate banana, orange, strawberry—you get the theme)

 

 

Fantasy script

 

Adding fantasy to the bedroom is a common way of taking sex to the next level and creating excitement in a safe way.  Men in particular like the role-playing and the feeling of being with “new” partner.  Evolutionary biologists talk about how men are wired to be attracted to newness of sex, and by pretending to be a new partner – wigs, blindfolds, behaving in a different way can seriously reve up the passion in any relationship.  Keeping it hot, or how can we keep our sex life from falling into a routine to where it’s almost boring, is one of the most frequent questions I get when speaking to groups- especially women’s groups. Realizing that men and women process sex information differently and knowing how to get the reaction you are hoping for from your partner is important if you are nervous about how to bring it up in your relationship.

 

 

  Here’s what to do:

Women want the story – historical romance fantasy say enacting a Victorian prostitute and policeman scene which is enormously popular with women, while men are visual and like see the props, like lingerie or costumes.   While surveys say that the most common male fantasy is sex with two or more women at the same time, men’s second most favourite fantasy involves being passive and taken advantaged of by the nurse, school teacher, or dominant women executive.  This is great because most women also like being the boss and bringing their partner to their knees.  Women’s other favourite fantasy involves being taken, and swept away in the passion of the moment.

 

Try writing down you’re your fantasies and swaping them during the day, or sending them as an e-mail or voicemail, reading erotic literature to each other, play strip poker that has sharing your fantasies as a requirement – anything to start communicating about the sex scenes playing in your head. One of the big differences between men and women’s sexuality is in the speed in which they get aroused.  Men tend to react quickly, especially around newness. A new partner, hope of new partner, new smell etc.  Hell, men’s testicles can break speed records moving up inside their chest cavity when they hit cold water.  Although it slows down  as men get older, the ability to get a quick erection instantly when aroused,  means they are able to take advantage of any waiting orfice.

 

Evolutionary biologists talk about this opportunity to quickly jump on any willing (and sometimes unwilling) partner is a leftover of our not-too-distant past where men’s biological job was to inseminate as many women as possible.  This means we come by the rape, and pillage honestly by some randy ancestor.  As I point out on my radio show, we are only 1000 generations from being in a cave somewhere and anytime you think you aren’t ruled by your biology, think again.

 

The summer solstice, and the time of year to make babies (or at least practice at it)

www.sexwithsue.com

I didn't see any fairies this solstice despite my best efforts. At least not the kind that flies about on their own wings.... The summer solstice - or the longest day of the year, is traditionally the time of fertility rites, and the time that magic abound in the world and the "little people" make thier appearance.

More to the point, it is the time that you might be the most fertile (probably in conjunction to the spring foods I just wrote about), but if you are trying to get knocked up, this is a good time of year to spend some time on your back under the new summer sun.

Here's the thinking....

Many sacred sites were designed with the summer solstice in mind. Stonehenge on Wiltshire has an entranceway aligned with the solstice sunrise and is a popular gathering point for modern druids and others on midsummer's day.

The ancient sacred sex societies celebrated the Summer Solstice as the peak of summer, marking the day when the sun reaches its zenith -- the longest day of the year. Many honored the day with a sacred sex ritual to celebrate the revolving swing of nature.

Sacred sex, like the seasons, moves in cycles. Each season represents a different value of fullness of the wave of sacred sex ecstasy. Summer represents the fullness of sacred sex ecstasy. It is the peak moment of sacred orgasm. The Society for Sacred Sexuality celebrates this full Sacred Union with its annual event.

Solstice Day, the time when the sun is in transition between its northerly & southerly course in the sky, is an ideal day for sacred sex practice. This time of transition in nature is highly conducive to transitioning out of everyday awareness and into the state of Sacred Sexual Union.

Solstice Day is also a day of perfect balance, when the sun peaks at its zenith in the sky, and seemingly pauses before returning on its lesser rise. This makes Solstice Day ideal for enjoying the balanced state of Sacred Sex Union.

The event will be held each year on the day of the Summer Solstice (typically June 21st). If the solstice falls on June 20 in any given year, the celebration and ritual will continue for two days, through June 21. The exact solstice time will be posted in this Forum Message each year.

(Note the June date is for the Northern hemisphere; Summer Solstice for the Southern hemisphere is on or near December 21. Residents of each hemisphere are invited to participate in the appropriate celebration for their region.) Because seasonal rituals fall on the same day, yet have opposite values (i.e. Summer Solstice in the north is the same day as Winter Solstice in the south), our worldwide sacred sex ritual creates a perfectly balanced global effect.

To maximize participation & convenience, and also to create a truly global event, we invite everyone to join the annual ritual from the privacy of their own home. With membership from countries throughout the world, the Society for Sacred Sexuality has a unique opportunity to deeply infuse love & light in global consciousness.

You can participate in the event alone or with a lover by creating a personal sacred sex ritual according to your own desire, using the lessons in the Sacred Sex Lesson Forum, or your own sacred sex practice. During your ritual, lose yourself in your sacred sex wave and feel the fullness of its ecstasy. To add to the effect, enjoy your ritual in some elevated place -- atop an altar, in an attic bedroom, raised on bed pillows, or even on an outside hilltop or mountain. This adds to the sense of 'peak' experience.

Aphrodisiacal properties of rhubarb and strawberries

www.sexwithsue.com 

  Does eating rhubarb turn you on?  Well it certainly does to me. There is a study from the University of Nebraska (those northern college girls might know something about baking pies....), suggests that spring fruits and veggies (asparagus, avacado and the like) are what give us that magical spring urge to rut like rabbits.

Strawberries

Since as early as 200BC Folklore, art and poetry have infused strawberries as a sign of love and given them meanings such as "you intoxicate me with delight" and "you are delicious."
Strawberries gained their reputation as an aphrodisiac due to their large number of tiny seeds symbolizing fertility. In art and literature, the strawberry was usually portrayed as a symbol of sensuality and earthly desire and has been described as fruit nipples.
Strawberries contain more vitamin C than any other berry. They also contain a good amount of potassium, folic acid and some iron and fibre.
So strawberries can aid in boosting an otherwise lacklustre libido by providing essential vitamins and minerals needed to supply energy and keep the fires burning.

Rhubarb The impulse

Being a general depurative agent as well as a general tonic, the rhubarb sets the blood into motion and in this way galvanizes the whole activity of the organism. So, the rhubarb proves itself to be a general tonic and a very healthy aphrodisiac, especially that the rhubarb juice can be combined with other natural aphrodisiacs like the pomegranate juice, honey, minced garlic, celery juice. These combinations can be done on the spot according to taste and inspiration, the consequences in the physical and spiritual plan being among the best. Next to ginseng, cinnamon and vanilla, the rhubarb is a part of the recipe of the 4 aphrodisiacs famous in Western Europe.

The science of this is pretty compelling, so if you aren't getting quite enough action of late, you might try making a crisp (loaded with Cinnamon the smell that triggers an increase in testosterone). I'll be interested in finding out (send me a note at sue@sexwithsue.com) and discovering if it works for you.

Demi Moore's bush, or why big hair was all the rage in the 80's

www.sexwithsue.com, http://ready2beat.com/entertainment/demi-moore-bush-photos-comedy-central, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iD0bovrZyE

If you came of age in the 80's (as I did) you remember Bon Jovi, Whitesnake and all those "big hair" bands that made up style in popular music. My own mane was hair sprayed within inches of it's life, and while it wasn't the "braless, au naturel" feeling that was popular in the 70's, pubic grooming had yet to come into vogue.

Hanging out in women's locker rooms and on nude beaches you see lots of different sized and shaped bodies. You also see a great variety of pubic styles. Most these days are clean shaven, or come with a sexy racing stripe, but you very rarely get to see the "crazy bush" very often. Now Demi Moore's 80's picture (now made popular from David Tosh of Comedy Central) has me saying WOW now that's a bush, and is a great example of 80's full frontal nudity. 

My favourite comedians the Doo Wops (two Italians) do a great song called 'Crazy Bush" which is one of their funniest songs (in a group that won Just for laughs last year, so they know funny), and is worth checking out. I still giggle when I hear it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iD0bovrZyE

Anyway, hats off to Demi. She's an outspoken nudist (and looks hot in the pictures, although I prefer the "grown up Demi") and is showing off her world class bush. Now for those who struggle to keep their bush from creeping down to their knees (and I understand the struggle) Demi's bush may be a shining example to throw away the Nair and let nature take over the jungle. Otherwise you might have an experience like the women below (and let me just say that the reason it is so funny is that it strikes close to home....). Enjoy. 

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix
dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: 'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.'

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ('Cold wax,' yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me!

I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.

I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!

There's no hair on it.

Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch. I am touching wax.

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop.

My head may pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand, into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to
torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub....in scalding hot water.  Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter. 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!'

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me.  

She wants to know exactly where the wax is located,'Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?'

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor .. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.  'IT WORKS!!

It works !!' I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT! So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color...... 

On Chastity (bono that is), sex fetishes and why there may be trany hookers in your neighbourhood

www.sexwithsue.com

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090612/ap_on_en_tv/us_people_chastity_bono

 

    Another week as a sex therapist, and more visits from all kinds trying to find their way in a sexually varied world. Between the adulterys, the limp dicks, the libido strugglers, the horny hoards, and the fetish guys, there really is an amazing variety of sexual deviation in your average community.  People can be so troubled by their desires. Maybe I just don't get what the big deal is, but I really live with an attitude of "live and let live".  I'm always taken aback when someone judges my behaviour (usually without asking me my side of it,), and I live a middle class, heterosexual, more or less mainstream life. Okay with a few quirks and kinks, but that's my point- everyone has a few. I'm curious, but am aware of this whole group of people that have sexual needs that occasionally we bump into.

My aunt lives just off Church (near Wellsley ) in Toronto and takes her walk around the block talking to the plenary of tranny hookers  that ply their trade in those 2 blocks. They work the sex trade to save enough money to get a sex change operation (or at least pay for the hormones, lipo, and all those cool 50's pin up clothes that they wear). You would be amazed at the numbers of straight business men client that use their services on the way home from work.  Remember, everyone has something sexually that they keep hidden. I got thinking about them as I was reading this week about Chastity Bono (daughter of Sonny Bono and Cher - pictured above) who is having a sex change operation.  

        "Chastity Bono is having a sex change to become a man. A spokesman for Bono, born a girl to Sonny and Cher, says he "has made the courageous decision to honor his true identity" and began the sex-change process earlier this year. Publicist Howard Bragmansaid Bono is proud of his decision and hopes "that his choice to transition will open the hearts and minds of the public regarding this issue."

Here is a kid who has had their own challenges and is finding their way. The current thinking is that a flurry of the opposite hormones flooding the baby's brain in utero at a key development time during the first trimester of pregnancy causes a child born one sex, to see themselves and think of themselves as the other gender. So Cher would have had a rush of male testosterone practically before she knew she was pregnant. Something else to blame on Mothers. This isn't how sexual fetish develops however. Each and every guy I've ever met with a strong fetish (and I come across them weekly) can pinpoint the time in early adolescence when they were sexually aroused by feet, hair, rope, dominate women, a certain type of lingerie, rubber or the like. You can't fix it or cure it, you can just help someone manage it as part of theirr life.  When I have am again reminded of the trials of being sexually out of step, I'm encouraged to help (if I can) and encourage people to remember that they are not alone. 

Autoeroticism (or hanging yourself while masturbating). The story of David Carradine and Michael Hutchence

http://network.nationalpost.com/np/blogs/posted/archive/2009/06/06/287638.aspx

http://www.inquisitr.com/25288/shades-of-michael-hutchence-in-david-carradine-death/

www.sexwithsue.com

You may have heard that David Caradine died last week by accident during a session of kinky masturbation gone terribly wrong. So under the "don't you dare try this at home folks", let me give you the "sex therapist's" take on what autoerotic asphyxiation is and why guys like David Carradine, and Michale Huchence (formally of INXS before he died) get their jollies cutting off oxygen to the brain.

For awhile in the early 80's you could find "popers" at some of the less regulated sex shops. They were little pills that were "quasi- street drugs" that apparently made sex better. I haven't seen any in years, but the nitric oxide (hormone that helps trigger erections, and impacts heart medication) in the popers apparently gave you a head rush and made orgasms more intense. Apparently you can get the same head rush by near strangling yourself during masturbation (and also kill off a bunch of irreplaceable brain cells, and run a fair risk of killing yourself), so it is extremely dangerous.  This rush is the reason that some guys use a slip knot, their teeth and a noose of knotted rope to hang themselves in hotel closets in Thailand (as Carradine was found). Pictures of Carradine's naked body have made their way to a Thai tabloid, and imply that he was dressed in lingerie and a wig. Most guys use a cloth between the rope and their neck to diminish the rope marks, and have some sort of porn used for sexual stimulation, (Carradine apparently had neither), and whenever I come across this behaviour as a therapist I know it can never end well. As in the song that my kids sing "oh, everyone makes mistakes, oh yes they do."

Sad for his family, puts a graphic and tawdry spin on his death after a great career, but for me it is just another reminder that everyone has some sort of kink. No matter how famous and seemingly "put together" they are. The longer I'm a therapist, the more that I know that everyone has a fantasy, fetish, sexual preference, or past exploit that is unique and their private kink. Be as kinky as you want, but don't try this one. It will kill you sooner or later.

And then the jokes begin. As Rick Currie, the comic I heard Thursday night say "is it too early to use the phrase Hung Fu".

DHEA, the hormone you might not know about that affects your sex drive.

www.sexwithsue.com

The continuing saga of women and libido loss. It's a daily battle in my office, and I take the issue seriously. So seriously in fact, that I have spent a bit of time in labs examining molecules and learning the latest about bio-identical hormones and how they can help. I also took my own advice and had my own extensive blood hormonal work up done so I could use myself as the guinea pig. This survey was done by my friend Kent MacLeod at www.nutrichem.com    and it is what they do for Olympic athletes to determine where your oxidative stress, antioxidants, amino acids, urinary organic acids, and essential fatty acids are completely analyzed. It turns out I am low in something called "carnatine", and my DHEA is outside the normal limits.

Sigh, just when you think menopause is a good 10 years out. 

DHEA or Dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA) is defined as a multi-functional steroid that has been implicated in a broad range of biological effects in humans and other mammals.  Produced by the adrenal glands (so chronic stress can deplete it and burn out your adrenals), it is what women turn into testosterone.

A normal test fro DHEA is 1.65 to 9.15. Eek! When I explain to my patients that they are having as much luck improving their libido with a supplement of DHEA (available over the counter in the US, and by prescription in Canada).

The herbal supplement of beta hydroxy5 (or synonyms: 3-beta-Hydroxy-5-androsten-17-one, 3.beta.-Hydroxyandrost-5-en-17-one, 3beta-hydroxy-5-androsten-17-one, 3beta-hydroxy-androst-5-en-17-one, 3beta-Hydroxy-D5-androsten-17-one, 3beta-Hydroxyandrost-5-en-17-one, 3beta-Hydroxyandrost-5-ene-17-one, 3-beta-hydroxy-etioallocholan-5-ene-17-one , 5-Androsten-3beta-ol-17-one).

Since libido is a complex issue and it is more than just one  hormone (however each one is important), I'm interested to see if adding some to the mix will impact me (and the women patients who are looking for the whole package of physical, spiritual, emotional, and sexual balance.)

I'll keep you posted about my journey to keep my hormones perfectly balanced (and keep the hormone crazies at bay). If you have a bit of the crazies, or feel that sexual desire is something that happens to other people (and not you), I encourage you to look for the libido diet on my www.sexwithsue.com site.

National "Leave Work Early Day". Run home now and have afternoon sex

 I love those crazy event days that are listed in the international directory of special occasions. Everything from "take your mailman to lunch" to "nude recreation week". Today, June 2nd, is Leave work early (and bang your partner like a pooch in heat) Day. Well, I added the last part, but as your sex therapist (and how many real live - not wannabe sex therapist's do you actually know?), I want more people to make love not war. Take part of your day to give your partner a squeeze and get some. "what the world needs now".... 

Afternoon sex is always my favourite. I'm always horniest during the day. Men typically have the highest testosterone rates first thing in the morning, but women really like a quick nooner, or afternoon delight. I can even write you a prescription (I have brand new prescription pads) for sex. "For medicinal value, the bearer of this note shall be excused from work, class, mowing the yard or whatever they are supposed to be doing, to leave work early and go home and practice their sexual techniques."  signed, Sue McGarvie, Clinical sex therapist.

There, you have no excuse. Forward this blog to your sweetie, and plan on signing out for sex. Consider it your mandate today.