Cheeky Tomato sex expert

Testicular torsion. Or when your sack is in an uproar.

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When I was a kid we lived in the country, and I had a horse named Scooter. Scooter died suddenly from a horse disorder called colic that has twists up their stomach's (horses can't throw up) when they eat too much grain. Apparently it is very painful for horses, and I was understandably very upset when she died. 

It turns out that men can get theirr cords all in knot - but in the case of people, it's their testicles that can suddenly get tangled inside their scrotum. OWWWWW!

I had a patient recently who had this situation.  I have never come across such a case before  (and I live for the new stuff, because after 15 years 10 of which on air, there is little sexually I haven't encountered.) The only time I've ever heard about testicular torsion happening is in the winter when the scrotum is exposed to cold air (usually in very cold air after being all warm and relaxed) so beware the ski trips when you need to race outside to pee.

"When he arises, his scrotum is exposed to the colder room air. If the spermatic cord is twisted while the scrotum is loose, the sudden contraction that results from the abrupt temperature change can trap the testicle in that position. The result is a testicular torsion."  Apparently it can happen in very cold water or if you go from extreme hot to cold (so careful jumping in icy waters).

 The patient in question had already lost a testicle to torsion, (apparently it was nasty) and lives in fear - as a phobia- of anyone touching, bumping, playing or otherwise engaging contact with his remaining nut. It was a problem for his partner as he wouldn't let her touch his penis for fear of nudging the ball in question. 

Not that I'm expecting snow today, but I thought it would be a good time to outline the symptoms of testiculartorsion (it happens infrequently) from my favourite urology site. Keep it in mind if you get your panties in a knot.

Testicular Torsion Symptoms:

Testicular torsion is characterized by excruciating one-sided testicular pain, with sudden swelling. Since the cord structures twist (like the strings of a puppet), the testicle elevates as well. Patients may have nausea and vomiting. Patients may also have abdominal pain. There may be a history of previous testicular pain. Fever may also accompany the testicular pain.

Testicular torsion is seen most frequently in the 12-18-year-old age group, and most cases occur in men under 30 years of age. However, it can occur at any age, including in newborns.

When to Seek Medical Care:

Testicular swelling and pain should be evaluated on an emergent basis. The evaluation is best done in an emergency room, where rapid imaging is available and there is quick access to surgical intervention. There is about a six-hour window for the testicle to be salvaged; surgical treatment within this time frame is associated with a 100% salvage rate for the testicle. After six hours, the salvage rate decreases, and if surgical repair is performed after 24 hours, the testicle is no longer salvageable.

"let your boys hang free... "

The art and science of the standing blow job

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I was asked this week about "what's new in oral sex". My blog yesterday on the trials of mouth bacteria may be something you aren't familiar with, as is Ian Kerner's thoughts on the standing blow job.  Apparently, having giving head to a standing participant will increase the blood flow and improve the rigidity of the erection. It was something I suggested to the expecting couples in a prenatal sex class I taught. Pregnant woman aren't supposed to lie flat on their backs as it constricts the blood flow to the uterus along the dorsal artery. Most women (pregnant or otherwise) find reaching orgasm lying flat on their backs harder than when they are propped up a bit.

So I thought with the summer of love upon us (where it is easy to find a rock to lean against) that Kerner's suggestion for standing oral sex might be welcome.

 Kerner, the author of He Comes Next, guys are claiming that the hottest new way to be paid lip service is while standing. "More blood rushes to the pelvic region while they're on their feet, resulting in a firmer erection and ultimately a much more intense orgasm," says Kerner.

Ready to blow your guy's mind? Have him stand upright with his feet staggered, near a chair, countertop, or door frame (he may need to grab on for support when his legs start quaking). Kneel in front of him using a pillow as a cushion. Then hold his penis in one hand and take him into your mouth, alternating between sucking and licking.

Once he starts shaking in ecstasy, form an O-ring with the thumb and forefinger of your free hand and place it firmly around the base of his penis above the testicles. "There are dorsal veins that run along either side of his shaft that pump blood into the penis," says Kerner. "Because he's standing, those veins are more engorged than usual. Applying pressure at the base creates a tourniquet-like effect, keeping more blood in his penis for a truly explosive orgasm."

How too much oral sex can lead to smelly snatches - gasp!

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One of the many very cool things about being a sex therapist is that people tell me things that they never tell anyone else. Thus I seem to get a range of information that I put together that other people don't seem to be aware of. The latest is the correlation that I've become aware of (and that you might not know about) is between vulva odor and oral sex. The mouth bacteria is different (and more potent) than the natural flora present in the vagina. Thus, if a woman is getting licked out, the bacteria in saliva (which loves, warm, moist dark places) starts to grow. It can lead to the unpleasant odor which every sexually active woman (and the men that love them) are familiar with. For a woman with lots of "friends" whose tongues visit regularly, the problems of different bacteria from different people compound.  NOT that I am suggesting that the public service and necessary sexual activity of bush munching be curtailed! I just think it is important for women who Ricive, (and who don't want to smell yucky) to follow a few basis rules.

1. Watch out for smokers down there. Nicotine on tongues and fingers can lead to a nasty vaginal infection. Hand washing and mouth wash should be encouraged.

2. After you have recovered from a good tongue lashing, wash with antibacterial soap like you would your hands.

3. Takeprobiotics (lactobacillius the healthy bacteria found in yogurt, and found anyplace that sells vitamins) as a daily supplement.

4. If it gets too rangy, try my personal favourite cream,Vitaderm. It's an anti inflammatory, cortisol, anti fungal, and antibacterial lotion all in one. It gets rid of anything that's not suppose to be there in less than a day (so you are fresh for the next session.)

If you want to be motivated to follow the rules (instead of just rolling over and going into a contented, post cunnilingus sleep, then read about all the bugs that are naturally present in mouths.

The more than 100 species of bacteria, and hundreds of species of fungi, protozoa, and viruses that have taken up residence in our mouths is difficult to fathom. Microbiologists estimate that, in addition to these known species, there are up to 500 other living, breathing organisms inhabiting our mouths, although only 50 have been identified and named. The sheer number of these creatures is astronomical, considering the fact that our mouths contain more bacteria than the entire world's population, and the fact that our bodies house approximately one trillion bacteria.

What is a person to do about these squatters? Nothing. Our bodies provide an ecosystem for them and, in return, they defend us from the invasion of bad bacteria, viruses, fungi, and protozoa, with the exception of Streptococcus mutants and a couple of other undesirable species.

Our dentists' advice to brush and to floss our teeth on a regular basis should be taken, as doing so helps to maintain healthy levels of these creatures from between 1,000 to 100,000 per tooth.

Dating sites - the good, the bad and the misleading

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I think online dating is a great way to meet someone. In my estimation, at least you know they can spell. I also think that meeting in a bar is a generally bad idea. For men, a bar is comforting - community, where they feed and water you, and where you have the off chance of making a connection. Fo women over 25, (at least the women I know) are there to meet up with girlfriends but are rarely thereto hook up. Besides, alcohol blurs your natural abilities to separate the "wheat from the chaff" (or note if they party in question in unbathed).

So I am a big proponent of online dating, and suggest that you keep working at it, and changing up your ad to get the hundred dates you need to meet your special someone. The trouble is, that on some dating sites, they stack the ads with "phoney girls" just to keep you hooked and online longer.

A Brooklyn man sued Match.com yesterday for inflicting "humiliation and disappointment" on lonely hearts "who feel rejected when their e-mails get no reply."

Sean McGinn alleges the popular matchmaking Web site dangles phony date bait by posting profiles of people who no longer subscribe to its $39.99-a-month service.

As a result, lovelorn singles have been "defrauded" out of millions of dollars and countless hours spent sending heartfelt missives in vain, the 37-year-old TV producer says.

Most members of Match.com -- which claims 86 million searches a month in the United States -- are actually unavailable because they "are canceled subscribers or never subscribed at all," according to his suit filed in Manhattan federal court.

The class-action complaint doesn't specify damages, but says they exceed $5 million.

McGinn is also demanding that the Internet's biggest dating site "cease and desist its deceptive practices," which he claims are "willfully causing emotional harm to the consumer and social harm to society at large."

"Match's policy causes severe emotional distress and anxiety for some [subscribers], including those who keep writing e-mails to one member after another and never hear back because he/she is writing to people who've canceled," his suit says.

"Because the writer has no way of knowing this, he or she may experience profound personal anguish, suffering which is easily preventable by Match."

The suit also alleges that "Match induces canceled members to log in . . . creating the appearance that inactive members are active" by sending bogus BlackBerry notifications that read, "Someone has winked back at you."

McGinn declined to comment, but in an ironic twist, his lawyer said McGinn "met someone he's happy with" through the site.

"We're not saying that Match doesn't provide a valuable service, but they don't have to misrepresent what they're offering you," attorney Norah Hart said.

About 15 other disgruntled Match.com users are lined up to join the case, she said.

McGinn's suit is the latest in a series of fraud allegations lodged against Dallas-based Match.com and other social-networking sites cause heartache and misery.

In keeping with this, here are my rules for online dating:

    1. Stay local. Your goal is to have coffee with a hundred people who fit your profile. That's hard to do if they live a continent away.

    2. If they look too good to be true - they are. Guaranteed they are fake - or nutcases.

    3. Men tend to look better than their pictures and women look the same or worse. That's because if we are going to post a picture, women have done our hair, put on our best clothes, and look great.

    4. Men should put a picture of their pet (or somebody else's) on their profile. Women like men that care okay with kids and puppies, but men think women with pets (unless it's a champion German Shepard or hunting dog) are "crazy cat ladies".

    5. For women, what men want is a kind women who looks good. This is the time to join weight watchers, go to the gym, the spa , and crank up the sexy quotient. Men aren't all shallow, but they are ruled by first visual impressions.

    6. For men, what women want is safe, clean, funny, intelligent, and humble. Did I mention clean?

    7. Finally, don't be afraid to google someone. If you are chatting with somebody, get their real name and google them. If they don't exist, you might want to raise an eyebrow.

Anal sex. Why bend over boning is now in vogue.

 

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It used to be that few heterosexual couples engaged in anal intercourse. And those who did, rarely spoke of it. It didn't mean you hadn't tried it, or weren't curious about it, but when you have no clear information (or it is a secret nobody discussed), then you learn that "up the butt" is bad. The only information you got was from "clinical doctor-type" pamphlets that said anal sex leads to a loose sphincter (so you can't hold in properly, which is a scare-mongering myth). Or from porn stars who looked liked they were taking a tree trunk up their ass and enjoying it. agh!

Fortunately ass play is beginning to come of age. The new study from the home of crazy sex surveys, Rutgers University claim that 27% of all couples engage in anal sex. I think it's closer to 35% but I have no stats beyond years of speaking to thousands of couples to back up my numbers. What's happened is that there is loads more information about the part A into slot B and how to's than there ever was before. So if you need some details (check out my blog on anal sex 101 as told to me during my interview with Nina Hartley), then here is a list of what's hot and new in detailed butt sex information:

A new book, "Master Class: Anal Sex," is scheduled to be published this month by the Erotic Print Society. It will be a guide complete “with professional photographs that pull no punches and specially commissioned drawings.”

But it will be competing in a crowded field. "Anal Sex for Couples: A Guaranteed Guide for Painless Pleasure," came out last fall, and the "Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women" (second edition) by Village Voice columnist and porn director/producer Tristan Taormino arrived a year ago. Later this month, she will release her new instructional video, “Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Anal Sex.” And The New York Times named a memoir of anal sex, "The Surrender," by former ballet dancer Toni Bentley, one of the most notable books of 2004.

I interviewed Toni Bentley (there's a blog about that in my archives too), but I'll see if I can dig up and add the audio of the interview here tomorrow. In the meantime, have a look at this very, very funny clip about identifying your partner's asshole.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuDyaKBG9Ew

A list of hot, sexy, erotic and fun things to do with and to your partner

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Once upon a time, there were these two people hot for each other.  They couldn’t keep their hands to themselves when they were together. The sex was fantastic and they christened every flat surface in their mutual apartments.  They went parking, and walked hand and hand together and found themselves very much in love. After a reasonable amount of time, when these feelings grew even stronger, the two got married (or shacked up), and proceeded to build a life together.  They picked out china patterns started jobs, moved, left jobs and generally lived their lives. The sex got less frequent and after they had kids, it became even less frequent.  The passion they once felt for each other seemed liked a distant memory. When they did have sex, she often hid her stretch marks and he/she fantasized about someone from work.  The intimacy became routine, and the time they had together seemed to be squeezed in after a laundry list of chores, conflicting schedules, daily pressures and worries.  They thought longingly about the time when creative sex came easy.  They think about having sex with each other and stifle a yawn.  They wonder how it got to this stage, and don’t know how to kick start their romantic lives again…..

 

This isn’t a fantasy story, it’s an all too common scenario from happily married couples. They stay together but the sex becomes routine.

 

The most common question I get as a sex therapist, especially from women,  is how do I keep my bedroom life interesting, creative and put that zing back into my relationship.  If the thought of having sex with the same person for the next 40 years—the same body, the same way, with the same responses has most people running screaming out the door.  Think about it,  in-out, repeat if necessary sex can quickly slip into routine and even downright boring without a little adventure and passion.  These tips are all about the latest, information in sex research, new techniques you may not have heard about, and suggestions for keeping your sex life from slipping into the ho hum, “Do we really have to, I have a headache” behavior.   Making it hot… you know the way it reads in those Harlequin Romances that tons of women read when you think no one’s looking.  You know the scenario, “Dirk thrust his manly hand under veronica’s petticoat, feeling her ample boosums heaving….”  The kind of romances that your Grandmother used to leave at the cottage.  This book will outline how you can have an all grown up romance or affair with your significant other.  Hell, sex is adult play, and if you can’t play act with the one that’s seen you up close and personal, then who can you play with???

 

 

 

“When I got to the door, he stood there smiling. His hair was still wet from the shower he had taken before he left. I jumped up to give him a hug and as he squeezed me so tightly I could smell the clean scent of his body. I wanted so much to be with him.

 

We went up to our room and fell onto my bed. He lie there on top of me and kissed me so softy and gently. His hand on my face reassured me of his affection and that everything was okay. After a few minutes of making out I rolled over on top of him, still joint at the mouth, and slowly slid my hand down his stomach and into his pants. I could tell he got excited because I felt him stop and smile for a second, and then kissed me with more aggression and enthusiasm. His breathing started to speed up as I firmly grasped his penis…..”

 

Do you remember those sensations?  When you couldn’t keep your hands to yourself?  Well when I ask my sex therapy patients about the best sex they’ve ever had in their lives they talk to me about High School. When you could do everything else but intercourse.  The touching, heavy petting, foreplay, oral sex, teeth grinding sexual frustration, hickeys, and incredible heat that made your body vibrate in anticipation… You remember, there is nothing more exciting than a new relationship, and we all can’t compete with Brad and Angelina kind of heat, we can kick start our own love affair.

 

 

This list is the primer, everything I can find on keeping it hot, (and it is constantly being updated) keeping your relationship together, and learning about all the new play things

 

If sex is the second most powerful drive in the human body after food, and if most of either are having sex or want to be having sex, how come we have such bad, boring sex?  Or how do we have so many hang ups about what is a natural urge that is part of everyone’s lives.  This book is the culmination of all that’s new, interesting and fun in sex information.  It’s the latest sex tips, the very best toys, and how they can be used to enhance your relationships, and cutting edge techniques that will leave your partner gasping for air, after reaching incredible sexual peaks.

It’s the best sex suggestions I could find, put together in quick easy ideas that won’t involve swinging from the chandelier and can be manageable, simple suggestions for improving your sex life.

 

I won’t promise that these tips will change your life, but I will say that if you leave it in the bathroom with a few pages highlighted, you may be surprised about how open your partner is to trying new things….

   

1. Drive around naked. Find a place to go parking that is off the beaten path. In

   Ontario

   cars are considered private property, and you have the expectation of privacy if you are well away from other people in a secluded environment.

 

2. Picnics and outdoor sex generally crank up the endorphins.

 

3. Do it yourself bondage. By placing two hands in a pillow case behind your back and lying down, your own body weight safely and easily traps your hands for quick immobilization.

 

4. Canadian Tire sex toys. Visit the house wares and get a “massager” that plugs into the wall. 110 volts makes the best sex toys. Drop sheets for rolling around in oil, practicing squirting, and playing with chocolate body paint.

 

5. Venus Envy – great sex store for women and couples. They have great classes where you can learn everything from Japanese rope bondage, to make your own sex toys.

 

320 Lisgar Street   Ottawa , ON K2P 0E2  - (613) 789-4646 1 review, directions, and more » www.venusenvy.ca

 

6. Dollar store shopping.  Cheap paintbrushes for writing on your body in oil,  water based paints for getting really creative, water balloons (get wet inside and out), lightest sandpaper, and small LTD flashlights (for playing gynecologist).

 

7. Douche bags to clean out vaginas (and separate ones for rectums…) With warm water, it helps clean out every orifice and makes the way clear for loads of oil and lube vagina play  and anal sex.

 

8. Butterscotch instant pudding. Or chocolate, vanilla (or anything that tickles your fantasies…)

 

9. Breathless. A club downtown on Lisgar above Venus Envy, this is where the kinky go to play.  Described as “Breathless is a community centre and private club that caters to alternative lifestyles such as BDSM, swinging, GLBTQ, goth, pagan, and many more. We are a sex-on-premises club and promote safe sex.”

 

They often have workshops, games nights and discussion groups. If you want to watch someone being whipped, or have thoughts of polyamoury (loving more than one person) this is the group for you.  Run by a dominate woman named Mistress Jenn, it is quite a place.

 

10. Adventure camping – White water rafting, bungee jumping, anything that gets your adrenaline jumping will kick start things in the bedroom.

 

11. Tea and ice cube- The combination of the hot and cold on your genitals can be quite the sensation.

 

12. Clit piercing. The best in town is Future skin on Rideau. Well known for their safe practices, and experience, a clit piercing can help women who have trouble reaching orgasm climax.

 

13. Nudist Clubs. You can spend a day at the adult only resort in5 km outside of Cassleman called East Haven for $25 a couple ($20 a single). Less than an hour outside of the city, they are open May to September, and have naked volleyball, dances, BBQ’s. You can also rent a very nice cabin for $85 a night. They have a hot tub, swimming pool, and is a great place just to test your limits in a safe way. Check out their site for directions http://www.webruler.com/benude.

 

14. The local couples, and adult clubs. Range from just a very sexy place to dance, to full on orgies on site. If you stay upstairs at both clubs, you can have a safe, sexy, super erotically charged evening without risking anything weird in your own relationship. The good news is that according to the Supreme Court of Canada, sex clubs are legal in

    Canada

    , so they are really very safe. One is in

    Aylmer

    (D & D, and the other B& B is off Hawthorne Dr in the east end) It’s $40 to be a member, and $40 per couple on every visit. Go see www.Clubd-d.com and www.bashfulandbold.com

 

15. Grocery store stuff – Anything from the typical whipped cream and cucumbers, to caramel sauce (for human sundae’s), jello (a very interesting internal sensation), and stimulation devices such as toothpicks (fun top play mad scientist going genital experiments, pizza wheels- you get the idea.

 

16. Write your own sexual fantasy. There are a bunch of websites that help, but I just like taking any erotic story I like off the web, changing it up a bit, and leaving it in installments on your partner’s lunchbag or as suggestive messages on their voicemail.

 

17. Games- Strip poker (so much better with friends), or sexy bingo that get you trying things you wouldn’t normally do. Sometimes if the game tells you, you might feel less inhibited than if you thought of then yourself.

 

18. Fantasy clothes. Getting a tickle trunk and putting in all the Halloween costumes you have (buying them right after Halloween is a great idea), the Salvation army for sexy school girl and other cheap skanky clothes is fun. Then play the pirate wench, or the naughty nurse, the fireman or border patrol officer can be very sexy.

 

 

 

Tips 1.  Chocolate

 

Everyone knows that chocolate is one of the basic food groups, and is an essential part of most women’s diet.  It’s got that chemical in it that makes you feel like you’re in love, and the smell of melting chocolate has been proven (along with cinnamon, pumpkin pie spice, baking bread and almond oil) to significantly increase the testosterone levels (this means the sex drive) in men.  Basically food smells turn guys on.

 

Here’s what you do:

 

Take some chocolate chips and melt them in the microwave on over a double boiler until soft.  Add some cream, and a little bit of your favourite alcohol (my preference is Bailey’s) and stir until it makes a warm, sauce like consistency.

 

Get a cheap paint brush (handy at any dollar store) and proceed to draw pictures and write poems on your partners naked body.  Lick off, roll around in the chocolate sauce, use as a lubricant,  squeeze it on your partner and use as finger paint.  Generally get messy.

 

Variation: The quick, don’t have time version is to use Jello chocolate instant pudding.  Great for finger painting, but cold.  Especially great outdoors in the summer where you can clean up with the garden hose…

 

Toys

 

There are lots chocolate based sex products that come ready to use.  Everything from chocolate flavoured condoms (hey, even if you are monogamous and safe, it’s always fun to have a little chocolate latex, it doesn’t really taste as much as offer up an incredible smell of chocolate).  There is the Hot Stuff warming oils in a chocolate and chocolate mint and at least ten types of chocolate body paint in every flavour, (chocolate banana, orange, strawberry—you get the theme)

 

 

Fantasy script

 

Adding fantasy to the bedroom is a common way of taking sex to the next level and creating excitement in a safe way.  Men in particular like the role-playing and the feeling of being with “new” partner.  Evolutionary biologists talk about how men are wired to be attracted to newness of sex, and by pretending to be a new partner – wigs, blindfolds, behaving in a different way can seriously reve up the passion in any relationship.  Keeping it hot, or how can we keep our sex life from falling into a routine to where it’s almost boring, is one of the most frequent questions I get when speaking to groups- especially women’s groups. Realizing that men and women process sex information differently and knowing how to get the reaction you are hoping for from your partner is important if you are nervous about how to bring it up in your relationship.

 

 

  Here’s what to do:

Women want the story – historical romance fantasy say enacting a Victorian prostitute and policeman scene which is enormously popular with women, while men are visual and like see the props, like lingerie or costumes.   While surveys say that the most common male fantasy is sex with two or more women at the same time, men’s second most favourite fantasy involves being passive and taken advantaged of by the nurse, school teacher, or dominant women executive.  This is great because most women also like being the boss and bringing their partner to their knees.  Women’s other favourite fantasy involves being taken, and swept away in the passion of the moment.

 

Try writing down you’re your fantasies and swaping them during the day, or sending them as an e-mail or voicemail, reading erotic literature to each other, play strip poker that has sharing your fantasies as a requirement – anything to start communicating about the sex scenes playing in your head. One of the big differences between men and women’s sexuality is in the speed in which they get aroused.  Men tend to react quickly, especially around newness. A new partner, hope of new partner, new smell etc.  Hell, men’s testicles can break speed records moving up inside their chest cavity when they hit cold water.  Although it slows down  as men get older, the ability to get a quick erection instantly when aroused,  means they are able to take advantage of any waiting orfice.

 

Evolutionary biologists talk about this opportunity to quickly jump on any willing (and sometimes unwilling) partner is a leftover of our not-too-distant past where men’s biological job was to inseminate as many women as possible.  This means we come by the rape, and pillage honestly by some randy ancestor.  As I point out on my radio show, we are only 1000 generations from being in a cave somewhere and anytime you think you aren’t ruled by your biology, think again.

 

The summer solstice, and the time of year to make babies (or at least practice at it)

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I didn't see any fairies this solstice despite my best efforts. At least not the kind that flies about on their own wings.... The summer solstice - or the longest day of the year, is traditionally the time of fertility rites, and the time that magic abound in the world and the "little people" make thier appearance.

More to the point, it is the time that you might be the most fertile (probably in conjunction to the spring foods I just wrote about), but if you are trying to get knocked up, this is a good time of year to spend some time on your back under the new summer sun.

Here's the thinking....

Many sacred sites were designed with the summer solstice in mind. Stonehenge on Wiltshire has an entranceway aligned with the solstice sunrise and is a popular gathering point for modern druids and others on midsummer's day.

The ancient sacred sex societies celebrated the Summer Solstice as the peak of summer, marking the day when the sun reaches its zenith -- the longest day of the year. Many honored the day with a sacred sex ritual to celebrate the revolving swing of nature.

Sacred sex, like the seasons, moves in cycles. Each season represents a different value of fullness of the wave of sacred sex ecstasy. Summer represents the fullness of sacred sex ecstasy. It is the peak moment of sacred orgasm. The Society for Sacred Sexuality celebrates this full Sacred Union with its annual event.

Solstice Day, the time when the sun is in transition between its northerly & southerly course in the sky, is an ideal day for sacred sex practice. This time of transition in nature is highly conducive to transitioning out of everyday awareness and into the state of Sacred Sexual Union.

Solstice Day is also a day of perfect balance, when the sun peaks at its zenith in the sky, and seemingly pauses before returning on its lesser rise. This makes Solstice Day ideal for enjoying the balanced state of Sacred Sex Union.

The event will be held each year on the day of the Summer Solstice (typically June 21st). If the solstice falls on June 20 in any given year, the celebration and ritual will continue for two days, through June 21. The exact solstice time will be posted in this Forum Message each year.

(Note the June date is for the Northern hemisphere; Summer Solstice for the Southern hemisphere is on or near December 21. Residents of each hemisphere are invited to participate in the appropriate celebration for their region.) Because seasonal rituals fall on the same day, yet have opposite values (i.e. Summer Solstice in the north is the same day as Winter Solstice in the south), our worldwide sacred sex ritual creates a perfectly balanced global effect.

To maximize participation & convenience, and also to create a truly global event, we invite everyone to join the annual ritual from the privacy of their own home. With membership from countries throughout the world, the Society for Sacred Sexuality has a unique opportunity to deeply infuse love & light in global consciousness.

You can participate in the event alone or with a lover by creating a personal sacred sex ritual according to your own desire, using the lessons in the Sacred Sex Lesson Forum, or your own sacred sex practice. During your ritual, lose yourself in your sacred sex wave and feel the fullness of its ecstasy. To add to the effect, enjoy your ritual in some elevated place -- atop an altar, in an attic bedroom, raised on bed pillows, or even on an outside hilltop or mountain. This adds to the sense of 'peak' experience.

Aphrodisiacal properties of rhubarb and strawberries

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  Does eating rhubarb turn you on?  Well it certainly does to me. There is a study from the University of Nebraska (those northern college girls might know something about baking pies....), suggests that spring fruits and veggies (asparagus, avacado and the like) are what give us that magical spring urge to rut like rabbits.

Strawberries

Since as early as 200BC Folklore, art and poetry have infused strawberries as a sign of love and given them meanings such as "you intoxicate me with delight" and "you are delicious."
Strawberries gained their reputation as an aphrodisiac due to their large number of tiny seeds symbolizing fertility. In art and literature, the strawberry was usually portrayed as a symbol of sensuality and earthly desire and has been described as fruit nipples.
Strawberries contain more vitamin C than any other berry. They also contain a good amount of potassium, folic acid and some iron and fibre.
So strawberries can aid in boosting an otherwise lacklustre libido by providing essential vitamins and minerals needed to supply energy and keep the fires burning.

Rhubarb The impulse

Being a general depurative agent as well as a general tonic, the rhubarb sets the blood into motion and in this way galvanizes the whole activity of the organism. So, the rhubarb proves itself to be a general tonic and a very healthy aphrodisiac, especially that the rhubarb juice can be combined with other natural aphrodisiacs like the pomegranate juice, honey, minced garlic, celery juice. These combinations can be done on the spot according to taste and inspiration, the consequences in the physical and spiritual plan being among the best. Next to ginseng, cinnamon and vanilla, the rhubarb is a part of the recipe of the 4 aphrodisiacs famous in Western Europe.

The science of this is pretty compelling, so if you aren't getting quite enough action of late, you might try making a crisp (loaded with Cinnamon the smell that triggers an increase in testosterone). I'll be interested in finding out (send me a note at sue@sexwithsue.com) and discovering if it works for you.

Demi Moore's bush, or why big hair was all the rage in the 80's

www.sexwithsue.com, http://ready2beat.com/entertainment/demi-moore-bush-photos-comedy-central, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iD0bovrZyE

If you came of age in the 80's (as I did) you remember Bon Jovi, Whitesnake and all those "big hair" bands that made up style in popular music. My own mane was hair sprayed within inches of it's life, and while it wasn't the "braless, au naturel" feeling that was popular in the 70's, pubic grooming had yet to come into vogue.

Hanging out in women's locker rooms and on nude beaches you see lots of different sized and shaped bodies. You also see a great variety of pubic styles. Most these days are clean shaven, or come with a sexy racing stripe, but you very rarely get to see the "crazy bush" very often. Now Demi Moore's 80's picture (now made popular from David Tosh of Comedy Central) has me saying WOW now that's a bush, and is a great example of 80's full frontal nudity. 

My favourite comedians the Doo Wops (two Italians) do a great song called 'Crazy Bush" which is one of their funniest songs (in a group that won Just for laughs last year, so they know funny), and is worth checking out. I still giggle when I hear it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iD0bovrZyE

Anyway, hats off to Demi. She's an outspoken nudist (and looks hot in the pictures, although I prefer the "grown up Demi") and is showing off her world class bush. Now for those who struggle to keep their bush from creeping down to their knees (and I understand the struggle) Demi's bush may be a shining example to throw away the Nair and let nature take over the jungle. Otherwise you might have an experience like the women below (and let me just say that the reason it is so funny is that it strikes close to home....). Enjoy. 

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix
dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: 'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.'

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ('Cold wax,' yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me!

I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.

I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!

There's no hair on it.

Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch. I am touching wax.

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop.

My head may pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand, into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to
torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub....in scalding hot water.  Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter. 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!'

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me.  

She wants to know exactly where the wax is located,'Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?'

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor .. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.  'IT WORKS!!

It works !!' I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT! So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color...... 

On Chastity (bono that is), sex fetishes and why there may be trany hookers in your neighbourhood

www.sexwithsue.com

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090612/ap_on_en_tv/us_people_chastity_bono

 

    Another week as a sex therapist, and more visits from all kinds trying to find their way in a sexually varied world. Between the adulterys, the limp dicks, the libido strugglers, the horny hoards, and the fetish guys, there really is an amazing variety of sexual deviation in your average community.  People can be so troubled by their desires. Maybe I just don't get what the big deal is, but I really live with an attitude of "live and let live".  I'm always taken aback when someone judges my behaviour (usually without asking me my side of it,), and I live a middle class, heterosexual, more or less mainstream life. Okay with a few quirks and kinks, but that's my point- everyone has a few. I'm curious, but am aware of this whole group of people that have sexual needs that occasionally we bump into.

My aunt lives just off Church (near Wellsley ) in Toronto and takes her walk around the block talking to the plenary of tranny hookers  that ply their trade in those 2 blocks. They work the sex trade to save enough money to get a sex change operation (or at least pay for the hormones, lipo, and all those cool 50's pin up clothes that they wear). You would be amazed at the numbers of straight business men client that use their services on the way home from work.  Remember, everyone has something sexually that they keep hidden. I got thinking about them as I was reading this week about Chastity Bono (daughter of Sonny Bono and Cher - pictured above) who is having a sex change operation.  

        "Chastity Bono is having a sex change to become a man. A spokesman for Bono, born a girl to Sonny and Cher, says he "has made the courageous decision to honor his true identity" and began the sex-change process earlier this year. Publicist Howard Bragmansaid Bono is proud of his decision and hopes "that his choice to transition will open the hearts and minds of the public regarding this issue."

Here is a kid who has had their own challenges and is finding their way. The current thinking is that a flurry of the opposite hormones flooding the baby's brain in utero at a key development time during the first trimester of pregnancy causes a child born one sex, to see themselves and think of themselves as the other gender. So Cher would have had a rush of male testosterone practically before she knew she was pregnant. Something else to blame on Mothers. This isn't how sexual fetish develops however. Each and every guy I've ever met with a strong fetish (and I come across them weekly) can pinpoint the time in early adolescence when they were sexually aroused by feet, hair, rope, dominate women, a certain type of lingerie, rubber or the like. You can't fix it or cure it, you can just help someone manage it as part of theirr life.  When I have am again reminded of the trials of being sexually out of step, I'm encouraged to help (if I can) and encourage people to remember that they are not alone.